Today was pretty much all about local channel RTV Oost's TV show for me. This morning I saw that they had updated the guest list , with the two other guests being Rene Lunshof, photographer, and Christel Krukkert, artist. A lawyer was also present as a regular guest. The description on the website about me:
"Te gast is Maya Posch. Maya woont in Rijssen en is hermafrodiet, oftewel intersexueel; zowel man als vrouw. Maya is 28 jaar en werd geboren als Thijs. In Duitsland erkennen ze het fenomeen als hermafrodiet, Nederland echter niet waardoor ze in ons eigen land niet in aanmerking komt voor operaties of medische onderzoeken. Dit is voor Maya een reden om snel naar het buitenland te gaan."
Which translates to:
"Our guest is Maya Posch. Maya lives in Rijssen and is a hermaphrodite, or intersex; both male and female. Maya is 28 years old and was born as Thijs. In Germany they recognize the phenomenon as hermaphrodite, the Netherlands doesn't however so that she does not qualify for surgery or medical examinations in our own country. This is for Maya a reason to quickly go to a foreign country."
Traveling to the television studio was uneventful; a short trip by train and bus, with the walk to from the bus stop to the studio made easy due to having scouted the area beforehand via Google Maps and by having the massive broadcast tower visible from a few kilometers away. I was received quite well, given something to drink and soon ended up talking with the two hosts and the guests. We all got a quick trip to the beautician to get some foundation and make-up, which is fun.
The live show itself was fun as well. I will soon put it online with English subtitles. Suffice it to say that I did cover pretty much all of the crucial topics, even if I did take up quite a bit of the show's time :) One of the hosts remarked after the show that they could have spent another fifteen minutes talking with me. There definitely seems to be enough material to cover for many more shows.
Nicest part about the whole show has to be when Christel, who spent the entire show working on one of her knitted animals (amigurumi), at the end of the show handed me her creation and simply said "For you.". She had made this adorable little angel, complete with halo and wings. I'll put a picture up of it probably tomorrow. After the show everyone had dinner together during which I got asked many more questions until ultimately I was talking mostly to Christel. It felt so incredibly comforting to talk to her.
After everyone said their goodbyes and the studio was emptying out Christel and I left the building together. As it turned out she was by bicycle and offered to drive me to the train station, which I agreed to. It's been many years since I last got driven around like this. For some reason being near Christel and just talking about random and less random things made me feel so... warm inside. I think she really managed to touch something inside of me and understand me on a level many others do not. I'm actually crying a bit while I think back to it. Thank you, Christel :)
On my way home I mostly felt cold and empty inside. It hurts so much to be exposed to... humane treatment and understanding, I guess. It makes the void inside me just so much more obvious to the point where I just want to cry and cry until there's not a single tear left inside of me. I do try to keep up a brave face during the day, but I'm not the brave and courageous person people think I am. I'm this lonely, frightened child, abandoned in the midst of these cold, dark woods. I'm simply terrified, yet a tiny part of me still hopes that one day I can find this warm home again which I seem to remember from such a long time ago.
I hope it will be soon.