A few days ago I got back on the Tweakers.net forum to resume posting in an old thread of mine there. Starting yesterday it erupted again in a orgy of people accusing me of lying, of being insane, of being just a crazy guy, of not being able to accept that I'm transsexual, and so on.
You know what? I'm really, absolutely not out to prove anything here. I just want to know what in the world my body is about, as it is clearly neither male nor female. There are some theories out there which fit the available (physical) evidence better than others, and those I will of course gravitate to.
But really... what is it that I feel after reading the last string of posts in that Tweakers.net forum topic? Mostly a sense of despair, of wanting to give up, of wondering whether I really am crazy and others the sane ones.
Above all I would like to shut down my site, erase the Youtube video, wipe my blog and... I don't know. It's clear at least that I don't have to expect anything from anyone at this point.
Still a month until my next appointments... like it matters. I don't give a damn about what I am or am not right now. All I feel is this pain inside, and frustration... @#$#$%#$
Everyone can just drop dead for all I care, and this body of mine should die with it. I hate it. I hate everything. This will be my last post on this blog. I'll probably wipe it soon anyway.