Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Ray Of Light~

Last night was quite surreal. First I awoke to the sound of howling dogs. NG's dogs didn't take too kindly to being left downstairs and not being allowed to sleep in the same bed as their master (read: 'guy who feeds them and doesn't resist when they try to lick his face or dive into his bed' :P ). Looking at my clock radio I saw it was 3.45 AM. Great.

Faced with the choices of either going downstairs, kicking the dogs around and telling them to shut up (tape their mouths shut?), or going upstairs to sleep in NG's bed (which he had told me beforehand as an option). I chose the latter. It was somewhat strange to sleep in his bed, but also comforting, as I seem to be missing NG quite a bit, especially the past few days.

After I had fallen asleep I got a series of odd dreams. From what I remember, the first one involved a number of people, including B's boyfriend, standing in the door frame to NG's bedroom and talking a bit to me in a casual manner without me replying. This part felt pretty real, as though I was awake at that point and they were really standing there.

The second dream was yet another one of those 'spontaneous actions in a social environment' kind of dreams. In this case a swimming pool and me ending up nearly naked in it, remembering I had my bikini lying nearby and trying to reach it, finding my clothes and putting them on. I didn't say it'd make sense, did I? :P

The third dream is the one which was just downright disturbing, and the closest thing to a nightmare I have had so far. In it a number of girls for various reasons decided to commit suicide, each of them in a different scene, which I'd then observe in great detail. Most of them seemed to prefer hanging themselves, after cutting through some veins. The last scene I observed was especially disturbing for some reason, as I remember feeling shocked in the dream. This dream ended with me (seen from a 3rd person perspective) informing a detective/police officer what I had seen in the last case as people were trying to find the girl's corpse and finding a hidden playroom...

...to then skip to a scene in a dressing room where a girl I seemed to recognize together with a number of other girls were getting dressed. I then noticed that the girl who seemed familiar to me was the same as me in terms of having male organs, which sent a wave of... something through me. Something positive at least. Anyway, that's when I woke up :)

Let's see... Today little happened aside from me getting a message back from B's mother, who had received a reply back from the team at the Erasmus MC. After a few more exchanges between that team, B's mother and me I learned that a person in this team, M. van den Berg, who is a gynaecologist, is interested in my case and would like to help me. I made an appointment for the 4th next month.

Who knows, this nightmare may finally come to an end soon now. For no dream can match the horrors I have to endure when I'm awake.


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