Thursday, 29 May 2008

A Tiny Shard Of Hope, Or: More Waiting~

Well, I managed to get a good night's sleep after all. Woke up feeling relatively calm, though still plagued by negative thoughts. It's no fun to find yourself visualizing your guts splattered all around and on a train's front (seen this form of suicide once from far too close already), or to imagine a knife slicing through your skin, with red blood lazily flowing out of the wound. I kept having to pull myself away from such thoughts.

Anyway, I talked with my good friend NG (Pieter). After soaking his shirt with tears (he's so going to get questions about that at his work today!), we talked about my situation. His suggestion was basically to focus on getting a reply from Privatescan, even if I had to call them directly. It feels good to have someone like him bring clarity to my situation like that.

Before calling them I wanted to try emailing them one last time, and dug through some old emails to find a personal Privatescan email address from the girl I talked with before and sent her an email. Shortly after I received a reply. She told me that there had been issues with the first clinic. They no longer work with them and it's taken a very long to make them give the MRI images. I felt kind of iffed that nothing had happened while I was under the assumption that the MRI images were already being analysed.

But no problem, in a subsequent phone call with this girl, in which she was very interested about my situation, she told me that the MRI images would be picked up by Privatescan staff and brought to a clinic in Duisburg, where the images will be analysed with priority. At this news I felt a sense of relief. No longer did it feel like everything had just stalled. Sure, this is just analysis, but it's progress. I just hope they get the right images this time...

As for my options after a confirmation... I have to get my insurer to cooperate with my plans to receive surgery in Germany, as there's no way I want to stick around for it in the Netherlands. The health care here is horrible and slow, which is why every year hundreds if not thousands of Dutch people go to Belgium and Germany for medical care instead. The exact way in which I'm going to convince my insurer I'm not sure about yet. They seem to prefer a recommendation from Dutch specialists, so this could get tricky.

I'm still working on this new community site of which I hope to launch the semi-open Alpha version test this week. Exact details about this project are only provided on a Need to Know basis, so don't get your hopes up yet ;) It won't provide the full functionality in this Alpha test as it's mostly meant to collect feedback on features and stability/bugs. More details will follow :)


1 comment:

Alianirlian said...

Hi Maya,

(Yeh, I suppose I could just email you, but somehow this seems easier, in response to your blog...)

I'm glad to see you've calmed down a bit. Your last post had me terribly spooked, even to the extend that I *couldn't* reply to it, even though I wanted to - I was too shocked/scared. I guess reading those things brought back too many memories of the past...

We still had plans to meet, someday, since I also live in Almere. So far, the hesitation has been from my side. Bluntly, I'm afraid. I have a few good friends and I know how fortunate I am in that. But I'm not good at making friends. My head is filled with 'what if's': what if... we just sit and don't find anything to talk about? What if... just filled with heavy silences? What if... I can only get a friendship when there's a computerscreen in front of me?

I guess the only way is to find out and see.