Monday, 7 September 2009

Hurtful Dream

I remember looking underneath my parents' bed and finding porn magazines there. I felt both excited about finding them as well as worried about how they would affect my emotional state.

I was reading a review of a movie or something on a computer, I don't remember. It was multiple pages long and as I reached a section which featured erotic content I quickly skipped it, feeling somewhat guilty for doing so as I knew a good friend of mine was watching, someone who has no issues at all with reading such things, unlike me.

The last part of the dream featured that same friend, with whom I have only one major disagreement, and that's about casual sex. He doesn't deem sex to be intimate, important enough to make it something special, whereas I find the thought of casual sex to be absolutely horrifying and disgusting. It is the one thing with which he has truly hurt me at times.

That friend and I were at a hospital building, and went to a section which was in fact a porn production company for an intake appointment. After first going to one room where for some reason we undressed, we then had to go to another room, with the man doing the intake telling us that it'd be fine to walk naked in the corridors, that it was normal. I took a blanket of a wool-like, greyish material with me which I kept pressed against the front of my body as we walked to that other room. I was thinking how at least my back looked like that of a normal woman's and thus I'd avoid trouble.

The next room was a bit messy, with a few desks and props; the man called it a studio. He then went on to explain a few things, during which I began to feel sickened and as I looked at the door of the room I suddenly decided to leave. It was a similar feeling as during those times when I felt sickened by what psychologists or doctors were telling me and left the room in disgust. I wrapped the blanket around me like a make-shift dress, and quickly left the room, walked down the hallways to the exit. As I left the section, I realized I had left some clothes in the first room, and went back. In the hallway that friend was sitting on a chair, waiting for me. I ignored him, however, and kept walking towards the first room. The dream ended before I got there.


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