Sunday, 27 September 2009

Strange Pains

Something pleasantly unexpected happened last Friday. I had just returned from a visit at the GP's office (still haven't received the name of the oestrogen gel from UMCG's Weijmar Schultz, ones I got aren't obtainable) and was settling down for what appeared to be a quiet working day when I got a phone call from the IMK, the people who had advised me and the Zelfstandigenloket on the Bbz procedure. They told me that someone from the Business News Radio (connected to the 'Financieele Dagblad' financial newspaper) had contacted them about the possibility of interviewing an entrepreneur who had been enabled by the Bbz to start or resume his or her business. I agreed to this interview which would take place the same day.

The interview went well, my part took about eight minutes. Someone from the IMK dropped by as well and was interviewed after me. The total part which will be broadcast will be about four minutes. I forgot to ask when it'll be broadcast and for what show exactly, but I will get an MP3 recording of the segment which I'll put online and transcribe to English if there are enough requests. For my troubles I got a bouquet of flowers from the IMK. For them it was an opportunity to get more attention for themselves, for the Bbz option (welfare and loan options) and for me it was an opportunity to get some attention for my company and a bit for myself. Win-win, I guess :)

Saturday was shopping day. Pieter and I got a light for above the piano to get some proper illumination there. We also stopped by a DIY store where I looked at some halogen flood lights (construction lights) as these would be useful for photography purposes. I couldn't find a proper replacement light for the one that came with it, though (need white halogen, not the standard yellow), so I decided to wait a bit with any purchase and try to find that light tube somewhere else first.

After lunch we went into the city, looked at video cameras for Pieter and tried to find the bloody light. I did get a new mouse as the old one (cheap Sweex one) simply wasn't working that well any more, with the scroll wheel scrolling backwards at times and the resolution not up to snuff any more. It's a noticable improvement, even if it meant giving money to Microsoft :P

Finding the light tube was a nightmare, though. Even at the biggest shops specializing in lighting they weren't aware of it and didn't seem to carry it. Specifically I was looking for a Philips Halotone, the blue-tinted version at 300 Watt. An example can be found on this page: I think I found it online at a Dutch webshop, but it lacks the necessary product details to make me feel certain it is the product I'm looking for other than the product image: It's all very confusing.

I did get the flood light in the end, but other than messing with the white balance on my cameras there's no other way to get 'white' light. As I intend to use the flood light for photography purposes, I feel it's important to get this fixed. I'm not totally happy about the stand I got with the flood light as well, as it's clearly more meant for construction sites rather than as photography gear. It's very hard to put away and the legs take up too much space. I'd like to find an alternative for it. Ah well.

Yesterday night I had a less enjoyable experience. Feeling down and with a few things in a movie and such reminding me of unpleasant things (PTSD, not being a boy or girl), I couldn't stop the flood of emotions which were welling up inside of me. Once again Pieter became the victim. It started with regular crying (out loud), then the deeper pain had to come out, followed by a lot of anger and frustrations (ripping Pieter's shirt to pieces) and finally me being unable to stop crying, bursting out in tears again when Pieter gave me a teddy bear plushie he keeps on his room. Seeing something cute or someone making me laugh is guaranteed to make me cry at such a time.

I simply couldn't stop crying, yet I was so tired and my throat raw from the crying and coughing. Fortunately I could get a sleeping pill again, and so I took it. After dozing for a bit in Pieter's bed I went to my own bed and soon felt the effects of the sleeping pill kick in. After reading one chapter in my current book (Darksword Trilogy), I gave the teddy bear which I had taken with me one last hug and went to sleep.

Waking up just before 7 AM, I felt relatively okay. Swimming went fine too, as I felt relatively detached from my emotions. This time was actually enjoyable and I didn't feel that tired at the end. After swimming Pieter and I went into the city again to go buy a video camera. He had been doing his own research and had come to the conclusion that the Canon Legria FS200 was the best option for him as well. He got the FS200 with a 4 GB SD card and a camera bag plus a tripod. I know that he bought the camera for himself, but that if it wasn't for me he would have bought it later, after he had received his new organ. I think he's a truly awesome guy for doing this and for allowing me to use the camera.

Jan had also offered to get me that video camera, but I guess we'll have to arrange something else now. In some sense I'm relieved, though, as it made me feel so self-conscious about the code of the site I have written. Not that it is bad or anything, mind you. I just don't like feeling as though I'm leeching off others :) Anyway, expect my horrific videos on YouTube soon, as soon as I can find the right program for video editing. Any tips?

Near the end of our lunch at home I began to feel weird. I was eating a popsicle (ice pop, for all non-Americans) when my tummy felt... strange. I managed to finish the ice pop and liked the taste, but it began to feel increasingly more wrong to ingest anything. Then the pains started.

I'm not sure how to describe the pain. It was abdominal, not firmly located in one place. One time it was spreading throughout my abdomen and lower part of the upper torso, then it were sharp stabbing pains. At some points it was bearable, just a bit sore-ish, then it suddenly intensified to the point where I didn't know what to do except grit my teeth and ride it out. The pain was so bad that I couldn't keep myself from crying, something I almost never do when in pain. In comparison the only thing which comes close in my experience is a severe migraine. It's a pain you can't ignore, can't escape from. Pieter was considering taking me to the ER.

After lying in my bed for what seemed like a very long time the pain must have subsided enough that I fell asleep from exhaustion and slept for 3 hours straight. I'm feeling much better now, although I really don't have an appetite, even skipping dinner which as far as I can remember is something I haven't done since the last time I was truly sick. Around when I was 8 years old or so. My temperature is normal and I feel relatively okay, I just don't have an appetite though I can drink tea without issues.

I haven't experienced a pain like this before. Considering the symptoms I'm thinking of food poisoning, though I'm not sure what might have caused it since I haven't eaten anything unusual or anything from a packaging or such I haven't eaten from before. I'll see how it goes tomorrow. Let's hope I can get back to work then.

Time to end this blog post which has gotten very long by now :)


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