Sunday, 19 September 2010

Don't Think About The Future Too Much

I just woke up from another nightmare. It featured a Resident Evil-esque scenario; I was part of this small assault team of about 4-5 people. Some things had happened already and we were being sent down into a situation to rescue what felt like one of our people or something similar. We were wearing those full SWAT-like outfits, with gas mask and everything so I was seeing everything through the eyeholes of it.

Our squad leader signaled us to depart. We walked down a flight of concrete stairs of what seemed like an emergency escape inside a building. We end up in this expansive hall lit by sunlight from the right side, the rest was stone and decorated in a fancy, modern way. Also to my right the hall went around a corner where it continued its course. There were a few people walking around, going on their business.

The squad leader was talking at a hallway desk with this older woman who stood at the same side from the desk as him. I didn't see anyone behind the desk. She was talking about her son, saying that his condition got worse, even after she gave him his medication and that he developed two new ones. I didn't know what she meant. That is, until she began to change. Her skin turned ashen and she got the look of a corpse having lied in a coffin down in the ground for a few months. I noticed that the other people in the building underwent the same transformation.

The way the woman talked, I felt like this was their true look and that they had just fooled us with an illusion. A howl emanated from within the building, and was taken up by the creatures near us. The woman's corpse moved towards us now, and her movement was quickly copied by the mob of the creatures. I just had these two handguns, but I started using them anyway, even if I couldn't hold back an entire crowd of these things. I shot at the woman's corpse but it didn't really seem to harm her. My last thoughts were a jumble.

Waking up caught up in this pervasive grip of utter fear is getting old. I'm still recovering from this nightmare. I'm not trembling or such, just feeling like I woke up from a really deep dream and can't really unify it with what I am seeing around me at the moment yet. For all I know it wasn't a dream and in a moment the door of my room will open and these... zombies, I guess will come pouring in, emitting that god-awful, soul-piercing howl.

Anyway... what I really wanted to write about today was another fear, that of thinking about the future. I really do not know a darnest thing about my future, most of it is obscured by this big event next month at the hospital and whatever comes after it. There's also the uncertainty about how well TileWars will sell. I think I'll go run through some additional 3D Studio Max tutorials after dinner to help with the last point and to bring some sanity back into my life after that freakish nightmare.

A fun thing which happened at the pool was that this Chinese woman I have been chatting with for over a year now was talking about how tricky it was to pronounce Dutch and English, two languages she's learning, so I offered to help her with that. In exchange she would help me learn Mandarin. She happily agreed to this and another woman, a friend of hers will be present at least next time as well so that I can help her with her Dutch pronounciation. She's also really good with Mandarin as it's her original language, so that's a great help.

I really think I should find someone to practice my Japanese with as well, or just bite the bullet and work through some mind-numbingly boring exercises to finally learn enough Kanji to make myself understandable to other Japanese-speaking people and the other way around. 250 Kanji just ain't cutting it :)


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