The human mind is the product of countless years of evolution, having had to serve different purposes in different circumstances, ranging from an animalistic, survival of the fittest situation to the current situation where basically everything goes, and yet where few are able to contain their darker sides. These sides being the animalistic urges, things which do not really belong in a civilization, including violent and possessive urges, but also those which cause the other issues surrounding sexuality. As stated by one theory, we're merely slaves to our own genes; puppets on strings, driven towards goals of which we can not rationally comprehend of why they'd be of any use to us.
I too feel violent urges sometimes, this sudden desire to strike out and cause harm. Yet I have learned to recognize that to act upon this impulse would only worsen the situation. They're not part of a rational reasoning, and thus shouldn't be acted upon. I too feel possessive urges sometimes, but realize that they too aren't part of any sort of reasoning. Why would I really need to possess this item, or that amount of money? Why do I feel jealous about it? Only through reason can one understand things, to act without reason is to act upon impulse, on instinct. Not unlike an animal.
Even more mystifying is this whole issue surrounding sexuality. In short it's something beyond insanity. Individuals doing anything, even hurting others in a physical or emotional manner to gain exclusive access to a mate. It's pretty sick stuff. Yet does it make them happy? I don't mean whether it satisfies them for a moment in a physical sense. Does it really cause a sense of fulfillment?
Beyond sexuality people seek companionship, which often takes the form of this mate. Yet why this insane desire to bind oneself so closely to one other person? Why does one feel so incredibly lonely without such a bond? What is the reason behind it? Why isn't having good friends enough? It doesn't really make sense.
Based upon personal experiences and observations, I have come to conclude that sexuality really is one of the most terrible things ever to befall humanity. Its only products are pain and suffering, for in no circumstance can it make people happy. All it causes is strive and friction in relationships, and to those who just like to experience sexuality without any bonds, they don't realize that they're not really free. Its urges still controls them, like a puppet on strings.
Despite knowing all this and having realized what it means, I still can't suppress these urges, these desires and longings. Not fully at least. How does one live with voices which tell one to do something which one knows to be wrong? What if these voices are most convincing, and ignoring them completely causes emotional stress and discomfort? What if they abuse questions and frustrations about one's own body for their purpose?
How does one learn to live with that which tries to control and possibly ruin one's life?
Maya
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