Monday, 11 July 2011

Friends Nearby; Friends Far Away

You say you care about me. You say you love me.
You hug me. You embrace me. Closer together isn't possible.

You say you care about me. You say you love me.
You hug me. You keep a bit of distance.

You say you care about me. You say you wish me the best.
You hug me. You keep your distance.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
We shake hands. We'll probably never see each other again.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
We never so much as shake hands. The smile might be true.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
We just randomly met.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
You sent me a message and never follow-up on my response.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
You live at the other side of the world. They're just words.

You say you care about me. You say you'll help me.
I don't know who you are. Who am I?

You say you care about me. You say you'll help me.
You vent your frustrations on me. I feel miserable now.

You say you care about me. You say you'll help me.
I'm feeling so terrible right now. Where are you?

You say you'll be there for me. You say life is worth living.
I couldn't take the pain of life any more.

Where were you?


Maya

4 comments:

Jed said...

I know these words a petty...
But please "never give up"!

From what I've read of your posts.
There's been some very positive developments since we last spoke.

Just keep plugging away, & try to remember the +ve developments, not only the setbacks.

I know you have the ability to get there in the end.
Also importantly, are you speaking to your mother about how you're feeling?

You should be sharing how you're going with your closest fam/friends over there.
And of course, continuing with psychological help if possible.

-jed

Maya Posch said...

I'm sharing everything with my mother, yes. She's as much part of my struggles as I am. My psychotherapist tries to support me as well, but he's of course limited in what he can do.

Jed said...

I'm glad...
I have struggled with deep depression for much of my adult life.
But it seems to pale in comparison to the nightmare you're going through.

I guess when it comes down to it...
No one can help us with our tormented minds.
In-the-end it's up to us to overcome our fears/anxieties/self-loathing.

And because of that, it sometimes feels very lonely.
Despite there being many around trying to help.

Anyway I really do wish the best for you.
And please try to focus only on the good things happening.
Even if there only very fleeting/petty.

Doesn't help your life one iota me saying all this.
But I don't like seeing someone so terribly confused/tormented.
So just trying to add some positive thoughts, for what they're worth.

Keep chugging along, one day at a time.
You're a very capable/intelligent person, I know you'll pull through!

-jed.

Maya Posch said...

Thank you for the positive thoughts :)

The worst part is that I'm at a stage where I can not proceed without some outside influence. I got into my current traumatized state due to the Dutch government, physicians and psychologists working against me. To get out of it I need a group with equal strength to support me, such as when I would be granted humanitarian protection by another country.

Some friends are helping me obtain such protection, but nothing in life is easy, or free :(