Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Australia At Last, Yet Should I Be Happy?

Today an Australian friend from Sydney said I could crash at his place and he'd ask friends whether they had a spare room. Another friend is also looking around for me. Once I have a room the countdown to my move to Australia begins. It might be as early as this week.

Now that it is quickly becoming a reality, I'm assaulted by so many doubts and fears. Why shouldn't I stay here, where everything is familiar and safe? Why go to some strange place and use up all your savings? Why? Why? Why? Today I don't think I can answer those questions. My resolve of the past months which led me to consider Australia seems to have vanished for the time being.

I have requested a price quote from an international moving company. I will possibly book my plane ticket this week. Things are moving forward, but to where? I don't know where I will end up, only in 'a room', surrounded by people I have never once met in my life, and with the daunting task of finding a job lest I run out of money within a month or two. I don't know how much support I'll get there, or whether I'll remain a stranger all the time.

Of course I'm used to the Dutch way of doing things, where most people never bother to learn who their neighbours are. I hope things aren't like in Australia, but I'm feeling so very small and so very afraid.



Sila said...

Being afraid of change is something all of us AS people have trouble with. With such a big change you're about to go through, any person, NT or not, would have trouble with it and worry. All I can say is that I wish you good luck, and I hope you keep in contact as things progress. I think you'll do great there, and with friends there to support you along the way things will be made easier.

*big hugs* Get some rest, do some meditation or something calming to try and ease your worries a bit. :)

Maya Posch said...

And in my post today I have already changed my mind again :) Or found it, rather. I can't leave the biggest part of myself behind, that's what caused the sensation of something being wrong. Without acknowledgement for the traumas and wrongs I have suffered I would not be acknowledged as the person I am.

Such a facade wouldn't have lasted long, sadly. At least the third time should be the charm, right?

Gotta find some humanitarian protection to counter-balance all the wrongs and right the things which can be fixed. Even if it's tiring, it's the only proper way...