Yesterday OII Australia seemed to make a U-turn on their offer of help, seemingly telling me to figure it all out on my own, without help from their side. This led to me taking an overdose of a certain medication, fortunately not fatal.
Now I'm feeling all on my own again. I don't know how or even why I'd go to Australia. It's so much work, so much trouble and I can't do it on my own. Never done it before, and I'm so tired that I start crying at the slightest.
My hunger strike kind of just happened. Been eating less and less the past weeks until lately I almost began to feel disgusted at eating something. Two days ago I almost had nothing but lunch. Yesterday I didn't eat anything. Today I'm not feeling hungry at all.
What would happen if I just stayed here in the Netherlands? I'd never be acknowledged as being intersexual, I'd never receive help with it. I'd have extreme difficulty finding a job due to my lack of formal education, I'd remain a burden on my mother for heavens know how long and I'd never be able to be myself. Plus this is the country which discriminated against me, refused medical help and even tried to brainwash me. Should I just take all that and pretend nothing bad happened?
I can't take it already right now.
What I need is a place where my intersexuality is acknowledged, where I can easily get a job with my qualifications and where I can mostly be myself and where I already have quite a few friends. A country like Australia, in other words.
Just obstacle after obstacle keeps getting thrown in my way. OII Australia most recently seemed to tell me that I can just rough it out, staying at youth hostels and such until I find a job and a place to stay. I can imagine what that would do to my emotional state, as I was in a similar situation back in 2007 when I went to Canada and had to stay in a motel for a week while things got sorted out. It was one of the most terrible experiences in my life.
I need safety and comfort. Not another prison cell with its restrictions and limitations. All I ask for is someone, a family or someone else to provide me with a place where I can stay for a bit, and some help with getting a job. Is this really too much to ask?
Until such a miracle happens I'll be counting down the about 3-4 weeks until my hunger strike becomes life-threatening. At this point I don't think I have much concern for my own life any more anyway, thanks to what others have taught me.