Yesterday I got into contact with Karin Gottschalk of OII Australia. OII stands for Organisation Internationale des Intersexues, the international organization for intersexual people. The Australian site can be found at http://oiiaustralia.com/. Her response was so matter of fact and friendly that I found myself wondering why I hadn't contacted OII before. Maybe it were my previous negative experiences with such organizations, I guess.
What OII Australia can apparently offer me is support for my intersex condition, help with finding a job and getting settled in Australia. It's all volunteer-driven, so it won't be an easy ride, but at least these are people who know what is like to be intersexual. So far it's a stark contrast with my contacts with transsexual people, including those in Australia. I'm not sure where this difference comes from, all I know is that I much prefer the intersexual side. Maybe it's because intersexual people aren't so desperate to belong to one of the strictly defined groups of males and females? I don't know.
Anyway, things are looking up a bit now, for which I am grateful. Now to see whether this is just a breathing space before things go south again, or that it's finally up from here.
Things I do not really like so far about the picture being painted for me is the difficulty is getting hormones for Hormone Replacement Theory. Most seem to order them online as I used to do as well. It's much easier to get them locally instead of waiting a month for them to arrive. I'll have to see about this.
There is also the matter of getting the examinations and tests I require. For surgeries everyone seems to go to Thailand, which fortunately is only a small hop from Australia. For examinations and such I'm not sure where I could go to and who would pay for it. These uncertainties ruin my mood, still. Some physician has to be interested in a unique case like mine, right? Right? :(
Above all I notice how incredibly tired I am, and how little it takes for me to start crying and shut out the world. I am pretty sure this is what they call a burn-out. It really makes it extremely difficult to cope with every-day life, let alone complex things such as a relocation. There can be no opportunity to recover from this burn-out, though. Not here in the Netherlands where I can't keep from flinching every time I see a police uniform and medical help won't arrive until intersexuality is officially recognized by the Dutch government by perhaps 2050.
Once in Australia I will need someone to hold my hand as well, as silly as it may sound. Just to help me get settled into a routine and to consult with about medical things.
Just please... no more setbacks. I am sick of feeling filled with agony and despair. It hurts so bloody much. Make me believe that life can be fun and relaxing instead. Last time I felt like that I must have been 5 years old or so...