Today an Australian friend from Sydney said I could crash at his place and he'd ask friends whether they had a spare room. Another friend is also looking around for me. Once I have a room the countdown to my move to Australia begins. It might be as early as this week.
Now that it is quickly becoming a reality, I'm assaulted by so many doubts and fears. Why shouldn't I stay here, where everything is familiar and safe? Why go to some strange place and use up all your savings? Why? Why? Why? Today I don't think I can answer those questions. My resolve of the past months which led me to consider Australia seems to have vanished for the time being.
I have requested a price quote from an international moving company. I will possibly book my plane ticket this week. Things are moving forward, but to where? I don't know where I will end up, only in 'a room', surrounded by people I have never once met in my life, and with the daunting task of finding a job lest I run out of money within a month or two. I don't know how much support I'll get there, or whether I'll remain a stranger all the time.
Of course I'm used to the Dutch way of doing things, where most people never bother to learn who their neighbours are. I hope things aren't like in Australia, but I'm feeling so very small and so very afraid.
Maya
2 comments:
Being afraid of change is something all of us AS people have trouble with. With such a big change you're about to go through, any person, NT or not, would have trouble with it and worry. All I can say is that I wish you good luck, and I hope you keep in contact as things progress. I think you'll do great there, and with friends there to support you along the way things will be made easier.
*big hugs* Get some rest, do some meditation or something calming to try and ease your worries a bit. :)
And in my post today I have already changed my mind again :) Or found it, rather. I can't leave the biggest part of myself behind, that's what caused the sensation of something being wrong. Without acknowledgement for the traumas and wrongs I have suffered I would not be acknowledged as the person I am.
Such a facade wouldn't have lasted long, sadly. At least the third time should be the charm, right?
Gotta find some humanitarian protection to counter-balance all the wrongs and right the things which can be fixed. Even if it's tiring, it's the only proper way...
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