Monday, 23 May 2011

Leap Of Faith Towards A Better Future

I just returned from a trip to the nearby city to formally end all relations with the psychological center there, the crisis center/Dimence I talked about before. I made it very clear to them that their behaviour towards me while I was at the police station was unacceptable, in not recognizing the trauma involved in asking me to return to my cell, among other things. I have also described how it is the medical progress which helps me feel good and improves my emotional stability, whereas psychological help can have no effect and at most worsen the situation, by bringing things to the surface. Remember that my EMDR therapist refused to treat me at this point because she was afraid that bringing back all those memories would destroy me.

I also went to the emergency room at the Twenteborg hospital. There they informed me that my wrists are fine, but that my right wrist is experiencing severe swelling, which is pinching off a few nerves, which causes the numb sensation. This should return to normal on its own. The x-rays looked clean. I'm glad it wasn't anything serious, even if my hands and wrists still hurt a lot.

Everything seems to be focusing on a hopefully upcoming appointment with a plastic surgeon. This week there should be the final approval. During one or more appointments there would then be exploratory surgery or similar and possibly any further surgery. It should provide me with the answers I have been seeking for over six and a half years. I wouldn't say that I'm obsessing about it, but the thought of having the closure to such a long period so nearby is beyond tantalizing.

It would also finally get rid of scenes such as at the ER earlier, where I had to use my old hospital ID card from 2006, with my old name and such on it. It took a lot of confusion and explaining before the lady behind the counter accepted that it was my card and not some guy's and that I'm not a guy, but not officially a woman either. Then again the same explanation with the doctor who saw me. I just want to get rid of such scenes. Wishful thinking isn't going to help me there. Psychological treatment won't help me there.

Please allow me to be just me. One examination. One surgery.



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