Today's Email To John Hopkins Medical

Hello Maria,

First of all, here's the (translated) response from my insurance company as I received it by email over a month ago: http://mayaposch.blogspot.com/2011/03/response-from-insurance-company.html

As you can see they're being extremely difficult.

About the surgery options we discussed yesterday, as I mentioned, I'd want to opt to have the testicles removed, as I have no use for them and have to take blockers to break down the excess testosterone. As a sidenote they only produce about 25% of the testosterone you'd expect to see with a regular male.

Whether or not there is a (usable) vagina present will determine whether creating labia to open it up is an option.

Moving on, you mentioned in our first phone conversation that this case isn't worth killing myself over, but that's not true. Being IS has always been a problem for me, making it impossible for me to find my place in life and generally understand/accept myself. As one friend of mine put it, it's like having a robot for a body. There's no connection, no feeling. One of my best friends told me yesterday again that what I have never been able to is just live. And he's right. I feel dead inside and always have. Without significant change I will never find it worth it to live. So far I haven't.

When I finally realized what was wrong after 21 years and attempted to find help I experienced 6.5 years of the cold, distant and above all cruel Dutch 'healthcare' system. Psychologists and physicians alike have tortured me psychologically, resulting in my PTSD.

This leads to my current difficulties with John Hopkins Medical. Since I have never had good experiences with hospitals aside from those German private clinics there's a big part of me which insists that JHM can't be any different. This part is usually stronger than the part which is still hopeful that things will turn out fine. What I'm implying here is that the more JHM can prove itself to be completely different from those Dutch hospitals, the easier things will become for me. This mostly means taking away obstacles, allowing a smooth track towards receiving help. It's not my intention to use my PTSD as a bargaining chip or to extort services. All I'm concerned with here is that I do not have to keep fighting my PTSD all the time, and possibly kill myself.  I hope you understand.

I assume that you have already consulted someone who has experience dealing with PTSD cases?

Thank you,


Maya