Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Paralyzed At The ER

I'll keep this a bit brief as my right arm still hurts a fair bit from the infuse they inserted at the ER. In short things went totally haywire while I was at an appointment with my GP. I was accompanied by my mother who had insisted to come along. Something about how my mother said certain things made me suddenly erupt in violent behaviour. I hit her arm and tried to push her over. Then I walked around in the city for a while realizing that I could never go back and that my life was basically ending at that point.

After a while I did return to the GP's office, but she had just left. As I walked outside again I leaned against a wall, feeling downright miserable. A woman who was passing by on her bicycle asked me whether I was okay, and whether I shouldn't sit down. I tried to answer, but gave up and just slid down onto the ground. Further I remember a man telling me to look at him, but all I could see was a blurry outline. Then I basically passed out.

I remember hearing voices and yelling in the background, as well as lots of prodding. Then a bumpy ambulance ride and the arrival at the hospital. I still couldn't speak at that point, move even a finger, or even keep my eyes open. There was one assistant doing some basic tests, taking blood and such, but I could only answer his questions by faintly moving my head to indicate yes or no.

After a while I was visited by a doctor, who was quite kind. She indicated that the blood tests came all back normal and that I could go back home. It's all due to stress, of course.

I had a look at my medical file as I got it from my previous GP, and it's a depressing read. Seeing every single Dutch specialist say that I can't be intersexual, that I'm just a confused male with gender dysphoria and such.

It makes me wonder again whether they're maybe right, but then I remember this body of mine which I and others do not understand. Heck, those same specialists never could answer why my body works a certain way.

*smashes something in frustration*

So yeah.. this one friend I mentioned yesterday has found someone to have exploratory surgery performed, so as to go directly to the core of the issue. If I do have a vagina there, I'm a hermaphrodite and the rest are details. If it's something else, then more research needs to be done. Quite the direct approach, and I hope it can be done soon. It won't be in the EU or US, by the way. That's all I know so far.


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