As is often said, depression is just a state of mind, like a kind of confusion.To deal with it one just deals with the parts one can deal with and shelves the rest for further analysis. After all, emotional distress is merely caused by a lack of understanding.
After my earlier post this morning I've felt quite good. I've done some work on some software/game development projects and did some useful research. I also had a nice walk into town (about a 15 minute walk) and did some shopping (bought some things from the women's section which guys generally only dare to glance at). I also looked at some nice boots I want to buy. I really need to get some proper boots for the winter, especially once I'm in Canada. Too bad that I'll have to borrow money yet again. Technically I guess I'm already bankrupt :P Big thanks to my mother and boyfriend for keeping me afloat financially while I try to get my life back on track. I love you both.
So today I got the quote from the moving company regarding the costs for moving my stuff to Canada. It's not nearly as bad as I had calculated in the initial (pessimistic!) budget. Only about 1/4th of the 10k Euro I had allocated will indeed go to the moving. That's a big relief. Of course, at this point I'll still have to borrow that money as well. *grumbles* Sometimes I wish I wouldn't slack off so much and actually do some work. I seem to recall myself saying that I'd have products ready to sell about a year ago. Clearly that didn't happen. Of course, I was also far too optimistic back then.
At the moment I'm working on a huge range of projects, from game engines, a graphical interface library, complete games, a server-infrastructure to a range of projects in very early stages, like the real-AI project, aimed at developing a (high-level) AI library. I've always seen AI as something which is relatively easily obtainable and which by extension makes immortality very much achievable. That's a whole can'o'worms I won't open just yet, though. I don't feel like fundamentalistic people trying to beat me up again. Not while it's nearly time for bed and I'm about to topple over. I actually didn't take a nap today like I did the past few days. I guess that means that I am dealing with things quite well now or so.
So yeah, just over a month until I'm supposed to be leaving for Canada. Plan A for the funds (paying for it myself) still being a far-off dream. I'll need to work like crazy to make this happen. I'm also considering raising some funds through donations, which'd require a) lots of nice people and b) a lot more attention for this blog. So basically I'm stuck with doing a lot of work, be it programming, writing game scripts or doing marketing for the coming month to scrape some cash together. Ah well, at least there's a plan B, I guess, even if it makes me feel a bit guilty to keep borrowing money like this.
In less stellar news, the health of my boyfriend's favourite cat, Patches, who has been kind of sick for a while already has taken a turn for the worse the past days. Poor Patches has been rushed to a vet where he may or may not recover. I definitely hope it'll be the former. I still haven't had a chance to meet this wonderful cat in real life yet, and my boyfriend is having quite a hard time dealing with this all. Not so strange considering that he has known Patches since forever, and they have always been very good friends. Please spare a few happy thoughts and wishes for Patches to recover the coming days.
Alright, back to work for another half an hour or so, then it'll be bed time. I sure hope I get a good night's rest tonight, and a lot of good news tomorrow.
Stay healthy,
Maya
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