Monday, 10 December 2007

More Confrontations...

Meh... it's so annoying to sleep about 8 hours, yet still wake up feeling tired. I slept an additional 2 hours today a few hours ago. My current mood is decidedly depressed, a clear sign that I shouldn't exert myself mentally any more today. It's like the 'engine overheating' warning light in a car :P

Last time I mentioned my emotions 'crumbling'. Now I think I know what's happening. The confrontations and the resulting shock have allowed me to get past many childish notions which still remained, albeit in a manner that is far from graceful. At least I'm still alive and sane (I think) :P

So yeah... hang on for another sexuality rant ;) Today I got invited by a girl to the sex dating chat again. My initial thoughts were about going there to bitterly whine about how much I despise my own sexuality and sexuality in general. I might actually do that. It are my true feelings after all :P
Today I also worked together with the journalist girl on the draft for the newspaper article. Reading the draft before correcting it, I was almost shocked to see how much this pattern of hating and being confused by sexuality has persisted from the very beginning, even as a child. I can definitely say that I at least feel jealous and angry when I think about sexuality, probably because I feel that for me it's something unobtainable, something connected to almost only negativity. It can definitely be called a chronic trauma.

In positive news, today again I noticed how strong my sense of smell is becoming. And yes, that's a major thing to me, since I lost my sense of smell almost completely. It has been slowly restoring itself for the past years. Same thing with my hair and such. I nearly lost all of my hair as well. Purely due to stress. It didn't grow much at all, really. Only now that I'm experiencing less stress and of course due to the hormone therapy has my hair begun to grow again at a normal rate and does it actually look healthy. I'm very happy about this :D

Anyway, it's past midnight again, which means that I've been a bad girl today~

*runs off to bed and dives under the covers*

Nigh, you weird and crazy people ^---^


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