Friday, 14 December 2007

Paradigm Shifts~

So today was rather interesting. First of all I'm now officially bed-less, with this item of furniture taken away by my cousin, to become the new bed of his daughter. She sure loved my bed when she got to see it a few weeks ago, so I hope it makes her happy :)

Most of the interesting things came from the Libelle forum. I learned that there are actually groups in this country who help intersexual people, though the one they referred to was specifically for women with XY genes. Still, I came to some insights today. First of all I think it's unfair that I have had to figure out everything about where to go to get help and do other research myself. I sure hope I haven't made any mistakes so far, although judging in retrospect makes one very biased.

One of things which really irk me is how when I first came to the gender team of the UMC in Amsterdam, they didn't a) acknowledge that I might be right or b) refer me to an IS group. Same thing when I came to Humanitas (also in Amsterdam) and then again with the psychologist in Zutphen. I think it's exceptionally uncaring and cruel that they didn't even do that.

It is totally clear to me now that until I know all the facts about my condition and things surrounding it that I can not begin with accepting and coming to terms with what has happened to me. This does not mean that I need to be subjected to more talking and speculating, as that's like telling someone he has cancer, yet first making that person talk to multiple psychologists for half a year before finally telling him what he has exactly and what they're going to do about it. Give me those scans and other tests and I promise I'll stop whining and may actually be able to go on with my life.

In other news, I'm beginning to realize more and more that what I see in the mirror and on the webcam image really is me, and that when I tell my muscles to do *this* my face will do *that* and such. It's a really weird sensation, but also really cool, kind of like leveling up in an RPG. Speaking of which, I played some more Final Fantasy XI today and gained another level with my Red Mage Mithra. Level 8~

Anyway, it's time I retreat to my pile of rags which I will be calling my 'bed' for the coming two weeks. See you all later,


Update: I just received a reply to the email I sent to a Belgian surgeon yesterday. He would like to invite me for a consult, or otherwise help me. He also referred me to another doctor at the hospital in Gent. This seems to be the big chance I've been waiting for... but it's in Belgium and I'm leaving in 2 weeks :( I don't have accommodation here or in Belgium... I just don't know what to do :(

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